Saying “toxic masculinity” doesn’t imply all masculinity is toxic, because adjectives are a thing.
There’s this weird assertion I’ve seen floated in discussions of the #MeToo movement and feminism. It takes a few different forms, but the basic gist is that some people take umbrage at the term “toxic masculinity” as if it implies that all masculinity is toxic.
Here’s why that’s so wrong-headed: because adjectives. If all masculinity were toxic, you wouldn’t need to specify. Just like when my friend says he bought running shoes. He’s not saying all shoes are running shoes. He’s distinguishing them.
Toxic masculinity is a particular conception of manliness that tells a man he needs to dominate those around him, that everything in life is a competition, that he can’t show weakness or ask for help, that he should shun anything feminine (including emotions), and that he must constantly perform these traits lest others doubt his manhood.
This isn’t the only form of masculinity. The problem is the persistence of this form in our thinking, its overwhelming promotion in pop culture from movies to music, and the smug modeling of it by people like the president and half of his senior advisors.
In case it’s not obvious, this matters because toxic masculinity is terrible for society. This image of manhood contributes to bullying, domestic violence, misogyny, rape, rape culture, sexual assault, homophobia, transphobia, militaristic foreign policy, and even mass shootings. It’s not great for the men holding this self image either, as it plays a role in substance abuse, depression, and other mental health and emotional problems.
How do we craft a more positive form of masculinity? Start by acknowledging there’s a problem, and name it: toxic masculinity.
Then, recognize there can be as many ideas of what it means to be a man as there are people who identify as men. Find others who share your vision—whether it centers on your role in your family or community, your chosen sports or hobbies, or something else entirely. Provide reinforcement for one another to build a positive masculinity. Look for media that reflect it back to you.
Or ditch “masculinity” as a way you define yourself altogether. Allow space for others to have their own visions. Allow for overlapping and fluid perspectives on femininity as well. Each generation is doing its part to deconstruct gender roles; maybe the next one won’t think in these terms at all.
Until then, as more workplaces and communities come to terms with sexual harassment and assault, it should be clear that the problem doesn’t just lie in how men see or relate to women. It’s intertwined with how we see and relate to ourselves and one another.
All men, starting with those of us who call ourselves feminists, have to work on changing that.
